Being a homemaker requires a courage, tenacity, planning, determination and flexibility. All those quantities are also required for any new venture. For one month keep a journal in your scrapbook of everything you do in your daily life and the qualities and skills you use to do them. Then imagine yourself in your new activity and the list of skills you'll need. marking a tick next to the ones you already have. In some cases you may need retraining ( studying to be a counselor, for instance) but in most cases I have found that people already have the skills and quantities they'll need for a new vocation.
Ever had someone twist your very heart from its cavern with only a couple of words, or worse just with an interminable silence? Ever had someone move on with their life as yours was left to founder? There is a way to laugh and love again.
Try to understand why you are upset. What exact moment did you feel upset?
Don't think about whose fault it was- at one time or another, everyone makes mistakes. Don't worry about it.
Do something quiet and relaxing to help you feel better. Maybe you want to take a hot bath, or meditate, or read a book. That's fine.
In an hour, or two, or whenever you're ready, start thinking about whether you are ready to accept the other person's feelings.
If you are, go ahead, call them, write them a note, or whatever you need to do. Maybe you want to talk face-to-face. They may not be willing to see you, or talk to you, but you should make an effort. Even if they turn you down, you feel better that you tried, and maybe they'll recognize that you made an effort.
Move on. When you feel you are ready to open your heart again, find someone else to be with.
Smile! Seriously, smiling makes you feel better and if you gather a few good, close friends and have a laugh together, you'll remember how good life was without him/her and that you're okay really.
Remember the 2-year rule. It takes 2 years to learn a new job, to get accustomed to a new town and to completely heal a broken heart. If you follow these steps without remembering this first, you will be overly optimistic and disappointed. Real results are obtainable when realistic expectations are set.
The moment he, she or it hammers the last drop of blood from your still loving/beating heart, stop arguing with that person or the fantasy voice of that person about how they are wrong and you are right. Everytime you catch yourself arguing your point in your own mind, just say stop and focus on something completely different.
Gather all the memories of that person and put them in a box, with the exception of 1 picture, one item of food, one item of smell association and one related music item. Then on the next occasion of significance (a Saturday night for example...when you would have normally been with your heartbreaker...put on the music, douse yourself in the scent of memory, eat the special food, turn the lights down low, and cry and rant and wail. You must be at the top of your voice and able to move around the room. Note it is best to do this when you are alone -- see "how to act crazy" post.
Put away the memories. When you regain composure from step 2, put the remainder candy wrappers, music, item of smell memory in the box with the rest of the memory debris. Keep out the picture.
* Every day for a week when you walk by the picture of your former beloved, say out loud, "Forget you and the horse you rode in on," or some other suitable invective and then catch yourself arguing with the memory and say stop. Say it out loud, be your filthy angriest self in these mutterings.
* Every day for the second week when you walk by the picture of your former beloved, say out loud. I miss you, and then catch yourself arguing with the memory and say stop.
* Every day for the third week when you walk by the picture of your former soul mate, say I am sorry out loud to the picture.
Replace the picture of your former dearest, with a picture of yourself. But keep the picture in the same place, just put a picture of you on top of it. Then every day when you walk by the picture, say I am sorry out loud to the picture. Yes you are apologizing to yourself for having gone that far around the bend for someone who didn't know your value and worth, and who doesn't matter anymore.
Let time heal. It has been one month now. Go to someplace where you used to go or be near your so-called one-true love and go there with a friend (not alone, this is important). Mention 1 time and 1 time only how you used to drink at this very bar or your used to fend off Mr or Mrs. Wonderful's advances in that same back store room, mention it once only and then have a drink or file some papers, or do what ever you used to do, only now with a different person, preferably a comfortable friend who can smile knowingly then move the conversation forward.
Practice being honest to yourself every day.
Read a book every night before you go to sleep. You might never have read books, but nothing moves you outside of yourself better than a book, not a movie, not a music video, read a book. It will help you heal.
Start dating other people again and not be a raving lunatic after about 2 months.
Speak to people. Speak to friends. Try out forums online. Knowing that thousands like you are going through the same pain helps a lot.
Posted by Jane at 12:00 PM