Ever thought about becoming someone? Opening a soft furnishing shop,training as a counselor.Writing for the local paper? All of us have dreams, yet few to pursue them. Going after the dream can feel so daunting it's often easier to have the fantasy than to live it. Here is my thinking, i don't want to get to 80 and look back at my life and think : I wish I had.. i want to know I'd lived all the life I'd been givin whatever that means ... So what are your dream?
Many people feel jealous from time to time. Jealousy is easy to deal with, once you understand what it's teaching you. Here are some pointers on working through your emotions and feelings of jealousy.
Understand the emotion. Jealousy is usually a combination of fear and anger; a fear of losing something, and anger that someone is "moving in on" something that you feel belongs only to you.
Allow yourself to actually 'feel' the emotion in a healthy way. When you start feeling jealous, ask yourself: is it more fear based, or more anger based? Recognize which part of your body is being affected. If you feel a dropping or clutching sensation in your stomach, it’s probably fear. If you feel a burning, tight sensation in your shoulders and jaw, then you’re likely feeling anger. You might also feel a combination of those sensations.
Communicate your feelings. Sharing your true feelings with someone without blaming them can create a deep sense of connection between the two of you and open up a dialogue about the path of your relationship. Use "I" instead of "You". Instead of saying, "you shouldn't have done that", say, "I felt terrible when you did that."
Identify what your jealousy is teaching you. Jealousy can alert you to what you want, and what is important to you. If you’re jealous of someone talking to a friend of yours, personal relationships may be important to you. If you’re jealous about money, you may have an underlying need for security or freedom. Ask yourself, "Why am I jealous over this? What is making me jealous? What am I trying to keep? Why do I feel threatened?" When you begin to understand what makes you jealous, you can begin to take positive steps to maintain those things, without the cloud of negative emotion that accompanies jealousy.
Change any false beliefs that might cause jealousy. There are often false beliefs that underlie jealousy and fuel emotion. If you examine the belief, many times, you can eliminate the jealousy. Some common underlying beliefs are “Everyone is out to get my money.” or “If this person leaves me, I won't have any friends.” Beliefs are changeable. If you change your belief, you change the way you feel. Choose to tell yourself a belief that is nurturing and supportive, and you’ll feel better. When you begin taking steps to creating a happy and fulfilling life for yourself, you will find the anger, the jealousy and the fear will disappear.Dont listen to people who make you jealous.
Posted by Jane at 3:21 PM
Honesty may be the best policy, but it's not a policy people follow very often. In fact, people lie in roughly 25 percent of their daily interactions. How can you detect dishonesty in relationships, friendships, and business? It's easy, if you know how to spot the clues. There are several signs of deception--and catch even the most slippery liar red-handed.
Inconsistencies. One of the easiest, and most reliable, ways to catch a liar is to identify inconsistencies in their story--details that just don't jive with common sense, prevailing logic, or societal norms. For example, if your date claims he's as rich as Bill Gates but drives a Hyundai, you can bet he's telling a tall tale.
Eye contact. When it comes to lying, the eyes can be a dead giveaway. Generally, liars avoid eye contact, but if you're dealing with a seasoned fabricator, he or she might stare excessively. In addition, most people's pupils dilate when they're lying because their adrenalin rises. Liars may also blink rapidly or close their eyes for slightly prolonged periods in an attempt to block out auditory or visual stimuli.
Contradictions. As they weave their tales of deceit, liars typically forget a few details along the way and reveal some telling contradictions. For example, if a friend backed out of your weekend plans because she supposedly had a life-threatening illness and later described the weekend as "wonderful," consider it a red flag.
Stammering or scrambling. The majority of liars, especially under questioning, will utter a lot of nervous ahhs, umms, and wells in an effort to buy time and save face. When confronted with particularly tough questions, they may also scramble for flimsy rationales and far-fetched excuses to reinforce the lie.
Changes in body language. There are a number of nonverbal cues that can signal deceit. Look for signs in the suspected liar's face that they're hiding, suppressing, or faking a spontaneous expression. And beware of those who touch their lower faces often, scratch their noses, or hide the hands behind their backs or in their pockets.
Shifting vocal patterns. According to experts, inconsistent vocal patterns are extremely common among dishonest people. In the midst of a lie, the pitch and tone of their voices may change on a dime, and the rate of their speech may suddenly slow down or get quicker.
Changing the subject. When trying to detect deception, watch out for this common tactic. For example, if you ask your boss about that raise she promised six months ago, and she starts to talk about the weather, you have to question her motives. After all, why would a liar subject herself to 20 questions when she can just pull a switcheroo?
Props.Deceivers often use "soda cans, computer screens, and other objects, both large and small, to form a barrier between themselves and investigators." In addition, pay close attention if the suspected liar is playing with objects such as a purse or pen.
Inappropriate emotion. Beware of exaggerated emotion, anger, and defensiveness. (Remember former President Bill Clinton's finger-wagging, "I did not have sexual relations with that woman"?). Along these lines, claims of moral outrage and superiority can be a sure sign that something's awry.
Too much information. If a suspected liar's story is excessively detailed, it should make you doubly skeptical. Chances are, the liar is hoping they can cover all their tracks, leaving no room for doubt. It's especially fishy when too much information is given in response to an otherwise routine question like, "Where were you?"
Posted by Jane at 2:57 PM
Don't look for so many distractions from the pain, emptiness, or heartache that you fail to process the emotions adequately. You're supposed to grieve a lost relationship in which you'd invested yourself emotionally. Think about it - what kind of person could just say, "Whatever" and walk away as if nothing had happened? Ride it out - turning to destructive distractions like drugs, alcohol, casual sex, etc. will only make things worse, and can actually prolong the entire grieving process. If you try to hide from the pain, it just waits around the corner and jumps out at you as soon as the temporary relief of your "distraction" wears off. The best and only way to get to the other side of the sadness is to go straight through it with a clear head. Believe it or not, it's the fastest way as well. It won't be long until you do feel better.
If you were the one who got "dumped," avoid the temptation to chase after your ex, ask them questions about what went wrong, and try to "fix" everything. It will only strengthen your ex's resolve to push you away, and will make the breakup much harder and more painful than it needs to be.
If your ex has done things to hurt you (other than breaking up), don't drop to that level. It's pathetic and cruel.
Although you may be tempted to take revenge, or send notification through third parties about your great success in life without them - don't exert the energy. Allow things to run their course without your intervention - they have a way of working out just fine in the end.
Never contemplate suicide. You are ending a relationship - and even though it's hard to believe it, you are not ending life itself. Give yourself time to recover from the shock and sadness without entertaining thoughts of harming yourself. If you find you can't shake these thoughts after a few days, then you need to seek psychiatric help immediately.
Avoid checking up on any online social networking page (Bebo, MySpace, Facebook) to see what your ex is up to. If you think you'll be too tempted, just cut loose and quit the site. The alternative is checking one day and seeing your former squeeze with another girl/guy. There is such thing as being self-protective and avoiding unnecessary pain.
Posted by Jane at 2:06 PM