How to reject someone without breaking thier heart

Friday, May 23, 2008

Ever wanted to reject someone without the heartbreak and tears? It's not that hard, really. Just be sure to follow a few of these ideas and you will be able to step away from the encounter unscathed.

Look around to make sure no one's watching. The worst that can happen is being rejected in front of other people! If there are people present, take their arm and try to slide away from the others. Perhaps if you can slip into a semi-private corner or at least to where the others are not within hearing distance.
Act like you feel sorry, and smile at the right times. Make sure you smile regretfully, like you really just wish you could give them a chance but it's not going to happen. This will soften the actual blow from the words.
Cheer them up a little. Be very kind to the person; being kind makes it easier on them. Be sure that your kindness does not stray into pity. The worst thing in a rejection is pity. They have put all their dignity and pride on the line, and pitying them will only make it harder on both of you to stay calm. If you act like you really don't want this person, be prepared for their reactions, mostly dejection, awkwardness and pain.
Use a calm, collected voice when speaking to them. Don't blurt out the first thing that comes into your head. Take a pause before you say anything and think of the best thing to say to either end all of the attraction instantly or keep them as a friend. Act like you care when you say "No", or you may start waterworks.

Don't be so rude to them! What point would there be in trying not to break their heart if you're rude!?
If the person gets mad, stay calm and keep acting a little sorry, but happy as well to try to calm down.
The best thing to say when turning down someone that you do know or will have to see on a regular basis is that you value their friendship more than anything. This gives them their answer, without giving them any hope for the future.
If this is a person that you don't like at all, or will not have to ever see again, then keep the rejection as blunt as possible without being unnecessarily mean. This guarantees that they will not try again and will also not say bad things about you when you're not around.
It is also possible to say that you are honoured that they have feelings for you but it is not possible at this time for you to return them, but you hope that you can remain friends.

Do not flirt with them during or anytime soon after the rejection. It is very easy to just charm them with a compliment as you let them down, but be sure not to lay it on too thick or the "No" you are issuing will not be heard.
If you feel,however, that although now is not the right time, but maybe someday, give them hope with clear outlines. Let them know where they stand and perhaps what is holding you back from saying yes now.


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