Be Faithful in a Marriage

You've taken the plunge and made the biggest commitment of your life. But statistics show that in the US, almost half of all marriages end in divorce, and one of the leading causes is marital infidelity. Whether you're married or a partner in a committed marital relationship, being faithful isn't always easy - but if you commit to being a faithful spouse or partner, you can do it.



Agree upon trusting one another. Once you have taken your vows, believe that overt possessiveness is no longer a "cute" trait that your spouse appreciates - you have both taken vows to be faithful. Now it's time to believe in one another and trust your partner. Suspicion, jealousy and doubt don't cause a spouse to cheat, but if one spouse exhibits high degrees of any of these, it spells trouble for the relationship, because the spouse being constantly accused or suspected becomes weary of fighting. Set reasonable boundaries and stay within them - this fosters trust, and the longer you each stay within the boundaries you have agreed on, the more "bank" you will build as time goes on.

Accept the fact that you are no longer single. No, you may not come and go as you please, no matter how much that may rankle. You have a responsibility to your spouse or partner now, and the sooner you accept it, the fewer fights and arguments you'll have. Acting as if you are free and accountable to no one will pretty much insure that you will be again - soon. Instead, in keeping with the previous step, set some boundaries and abide by them. Examples:



* When you go your separate ways for the day, agree when you will meet back at home, or wherever. If you agree upon 6pm, then be there at that time. If you realize you will be late, call as soon as you know - definitely do not leave your spouse wondering for more than 30 minutes - it worries him or her needlessly.

* If it rubs you the wrong way to specify a time at which you will come home, or if you simply don't know in advance (perhaps you are in a business, such as a musician, which has recording sessions and you aren't sure how long it will last, etc.), then try arranging to call your spouse when you're getting on your way home. This way, the waiting spouse assumes you are at your appointment until s/he hears from you, and knows about how long it should be from that point until you arrive home.

Understand that your spouse is not attempting to put you on a leash. It's simply a matter of wanting to know when to begin worrying, and where to put the cops on the trail should you not arrive home when expected. If you didn't want to be cared about or be responsible to someone else, you should not have gotten married.

Don't stir up trouble where there isn't any. Doing things to see how your spouse will react is a bad idea. A lot of insecure people actually go out of their way to make their spouse jealous in order to feel better about themselves. The problem is that it creates a climate of anxiety and turbulence, and it's controlling and manipulative. Don't pick fights just to see what s/he'll say or do, and certainly don't go telling your spouse all about the new hottie at work just to make your spouse jealous.

Avoid even the appearance of wrongdoing. If you meet someone who comes on to you, or that you're attracted to (and you will), don't panic - but don't get yourself into any situation where even a whiff of adultery is near. Don't be alone with this person, and don't go out of your way to see him or her.

Take your spouse with you. If you know you'll be in a situation where you can't avoid this person, take your spouse along. Knowing your partner is watching will keep you in line, and hopefully will deter any questionable acts on the part of the other person.

Tell the other person you are not interested, period. Don't give a half-hearted, "Gee, I'm really attracted to you, but I'm married." This sends a wrong message - it says, "If only my stupid wife/husband weren't in the way, then you and I could hook up." Any sleaze who knows you're married and persists in coming on to you will not hesitate to run over your spouse if s/he thinks you're at all interested. Watch "Gone With the Wind" to see a perfect example of how a wishy-washy attempt to let a girl down easy ends up wasting years of her life. Whether you are attracted to this person or not is not material. What matters is that you are married, and your commitment is to your partner or spouse. Put your foot down hard and walk away, leaving no room for doubt or hope.

Leave the situation. It doesn't matter whether it's a job or a circle of friends. If you've tried your best to put the kibosh on this person's interest in you, and worse yet, if you return those feelings, you have to leave the situation immediately. Either request a transfer, request that the other person be transferred, or if neither is possible, tell your boss: "I love my job, but Kendra comes on to me every day. I think she's great, but I'm married and committed to my wife. I can no longer work with Kendra, because it's endangering my marriage, so unless she goes, I have to give my notice." This is just in case your boss likes you better than Kendra, and would rather lose her than you. The risk, though, is, your boss may accept your notice and if so, you should start looking for a new job. Don't go moan and complain - remember, your goal is that 40th wedding anniversary, and beyond. No job, no chick or dude, no amount of ego boosting is worth destroying your chance at that.



* Wear your wedding ring at all times. This sends a clear signal to others (and reminds you) that you're "taken" and most people will know better than to trespass. But if they fail to heed the sign, show it to them and be sure they know it means you really are married and are not interested in flirting. At all.

* Don't berate yourself for being alive! You and your beloved may want to believe in the romantic notion that there will only ever be you for him and him for you, etc. It's just not true. You're married - you're not dead. You will both see people who arouse your interest, in sexual ways. You will meet people who are so attractive to you that you are tempted to just try one little kiss. Don't fool yourself. One kiss leads to another, and before you know it, you're headed for divorce court. It's only human to feel interest and attraction for other people. But you have an obligation to remove yourself from those situations when you can no longer control your - or their - responses to it.

* Share your celebri-crushes with your spouse. If there's someone on TV you think is sexy, tell her. Ask who she likes, and just make a little game of it. Don't hide your responses. **NOTE: see warnings below.

* Don't get angry if you realize that someone else finds your spouse attractive. You find him attractive, don't you? Of course you do! He's a sexy, hot guy! Take pleasure in the fact that he's coming home with you - not her. Or him. Whatever.

* Remember that your behavior early on will set the tone for the rest of your relationship. If you set a tone of faith, trust and belief in one another, and give each other a real sense that your relationship is solid and unshakable, it will be a great comfort to you and help you through difficult times. If you prove yourself worthy of her trust today, in ten years when someone accuses you of something, she'll dismiss it, knowing that you would never betray her because of your history together

Avoid this things:

* Jealousy and suspicion will undermine and destroy faith and trust. Avoid them. The best way to avoid them is to avoid getting into situations that create them.

* That cute girl/boy at work who flirts with you may not ring your chimes at all. But don't set off your wife's/husband's alarm bells needlessly - s/he doesn't need to know that you think this girl/boy is cute. Especially if you know there will be no hanky panky. Don't talk about the other attractive people at work to your spouse - it will breed worry and anxiety at home. It's one thing to share your "celebrity-crush" with your wife/husband. It's quite another to tell her there's a cute chick/hot hunk at work who's constantly hitting on you. Even if you tell her/him immediately that there's nothing to worry about, s/he will worry. S/he will foster feelings of hate toward that cute chick/hot hunk. And if there is ever any compromising situation that arises, you will be sleeping at your brother's house. Or worse.

* The bottom line: Drama does not serve marriage well. Every time you stir up trouble with your spouse, you're creating a Trouble Account. When what's in the Trouble Account adds up to more than what's in the Trust and Respect Account, your marriage is in the sh*t.

Top 7 U.S. Watering Holes

Most cities can claim plenty of bars, liquor stores, and hard-partying residents. But according to government data, some metropolitan areas do a lot more drinking than others. Which cities are the most sloshed? The answers might surprise you (several towns known for their nightlife, like Miami and New Orleans, didn't even make our list.

These metros consume more than their fair share of alcohol—if Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) data on drinking habits are any indication. We also factored in the U.S. Department of Transportation's numbers on fatal car crashes, CDC data on alcohol-related liver disease deaths, and FBI reports on DUI arrests in each city.

Milwaukee, Wisconsin: They don't call it Brew City for nothing. This longtime home of the Miller Brewing Company has more regular and binge drinkers per capita than any other U.S. metro, according to the CDC. In addition, an estimated 7.5 percent of Milwaukeeans are "heavy drinkers" (men who consume more than two alcoholic beverages a day and women who consume more than one).

Minneapolis-St. Paul, Minnesota: In the City of Lakes, alcohol apparently flows almost as freely as the water. Minneapolis's binge-drinking rates are second only to Milwaukee's, it ranks third for heavy drinking, and the area's alcoholism rates are the fourth highest in the nation.

Columbus, Ohio: Given its reputation as a hard-partying college town, the sobering truth may come as no surprise: Columbus ranks second for heavy drinking, fifth for binge drinking, and sixth for alcoholism. Sadly, despite several new laws designed to crack down on drunk driving, the city's levels of alcohol-related accidents have remained high.

How to Avoid Deadbeat Men

Follow this simple step by step guide to avoid ending up with a deadbeat man.



Know yourself. Love yourself. Enjoy yourself.

Love yourself before expecting someone else to love you.

Don't fall for him. If you meet the guy and you feel the fireworks and that "burnin' desire", ignore it. If he is really into you, he will call you again and again and again. Otherwise, he's just salty that he spent money and didn't get any.

Get to know yourself and think about what you really want out of a man, what compliments you, how you want to be treated and demand that respect. Don't create the list of the impossible, but do set standards for yourself. Don't settle.

Use protection. You don't want an unwanted child -- .he won't stay with you just because you have a child, and you should not expect him to.

Don't commit to him if he doesn't commit to you.





* Don't meet men in a bar or club. Your best bet would be to meet someone where you can clearly see that you both share similar interests (School, library, poetry sets, concerts, etc.)

* Make sure that he is on your level. He doesn't have to be the perfect 6 figure executive, but if you graduated college make sure he did or is going to as well.

* Try to stick to your age or a bit older.

* Always make yourself clear about what you are looking for. Don't be let down if he's not looking for the same thing, and don't settle for what he wants. If you want a relationship and he doesn't, why are you still doing going out with him? Wasting your time much? Yup! And if he is looking for a relationship and you aren't, you may just be setting yourself up for a stalker situation...not good!





* Don't try to turn the potential deadbeat into a good man.

Hip Fractures 101

Anyone, at any age, can break a hip, although the injury is far more prevalent among those who are 65 and older. In fact, 95 percent of hip injuries occur in people who are over 65. Hip fractures are hard to ignore, as they usually cause severe pain in the hip and/or groin area. Oftentimes, sufferers have trouble walking afterward or are unable to walk at all.

What Causes Hip Fractures?
The majority of hip fractures are the result of a traumatic event, such as a fall. But in some older adults, whose bones have been greatly weakened by osteoporosis, a very minor trauma, even walking, could cause them to break a hip without falling, according to the National Institutes of Health. In younger adults, hip fractures commonly stem from severe trauma as the result of a sports injury or car accident.

Risk Factors for Hip Fractures
The following factors may all play a role in increasing a person's risk of developing a hip fracture.

* Age. Older people are more likely to sustain a hip fracture because bone density decreases with age, vision and balance begin to weaken, and the ability to react quickly slows.

* Medical conditions. In addition to osteoporosis, any condition that causes dizziness or balance problems can make an individual more prone to a fall. Similarly, arthritis may make stable, safe movements more difficult.

* Gender. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) estimates that 80 percent of hip fractures occur in women. This is largely due to the fact that estrogen levels drop after menopause, contributing to bone deterioration.

* Poor nutrition. A poor diet can lead to a deficiency of the nutrients needed to build stronger bones. Diets high in caffeine, for example, can prevent the absorption of calcium and vitamin D.

* Inactivity. A lack of low-impact weight-bearing exercise, such as walking or jogging, can also increase the risk of hip fractures.

Preventing Hip Fractures
It's especially important to prevent hip fractures because recovery is so difficult. Only 25 percent of hip fracture patients will make a full recovery, according to the American Academy of Orthopedic Surgeons. In addition, of the approximately 1.6 million people who suffer hip fractures worldwide each year, about 20 to 24 percent die within a year of the event, according to the International Osteoporosis Foundation (IOF). Follow these guidelines to reduce your risk.

* Know your bone density. By knowing your bone density, you can begin to assess your risk for fractures. Ask your doctor about getting a bone density scan, especially if you're over age 65. If your test shows you have thin bones, you will be able to take appropriate preventative steps.

* Eat a proper diet. A diet rich in calcium and vitamin D can help to boost your bone health. Foods such as milk, cheese, dark green vegetables, some seafood, and almonds supplement the calcium needed to build stronger bones. Limiting caffeine and alcohol consumption may also be helpful.

* Exercise. Weight-bearing exercises, such as walking or jogging, can also help to build bone strength. In addition, activities such as Tai Chi or yoga, may help to improve balance.

* Prevent falls. Accidents happen, but there are steps you can take to avoid some common mishaps. To prevent household falls, make sure you have adequate space to move safely around your house, and get rid of any stray cords or rugs. In addition, furnish all walkways, stairs and entrances to your home with proper lighting, and place handles and non-slip mats in your shower to avoid slipping.

Treating Hip Fractures
Most hip fractures require surgery, although the type of surgery varies depends on the severity of the injury. Typical procedures involve inserting metal screws, a partial hip replacement, or total hip replacement. Generally, older patients are more likely to require hip replacement surgery.

When surgery is completed, patients generally find it hard to do ordinary household tasks, and some may require an in-home nurse or a rehabilitation center. However, the more active a patient is after the surgery, the quicker the recovery. As with any surgery, the best way to expedite recovery is to follow the doctor's orders as closely as possible.

Back Pain and Depression: What's the Link?

Feelings of depression are significantly more common in people with chronic back pain. Find out more about how to manage your pain and your emotions.

Chronic pain and depression are two of the most common health problems Americans face. What's more, studies have found that these two conditions are often linked, afflicting the same sufferers.

Close to 6 million American adults report suffering from back pain, and studies have shown that depression is four times greater in people with chronic back pain than in those without. Similarly, a 2004 study published in the journal PAIN showed that the rate of depression is often directly proportional to pain severity.

Why Are Back Pain and Depression Linked?

* In the brain. A normal brain works in a state of equilibrium. When one part of the brain is active, the others slow down. In the case of chronic pain sufferers, the region of the brain mostly associated with emotion never slows down regardless of other brain activity, according to a February 2008 study by Northwestern University's Feinberg School of Medicine. This imbalance can result in the feelings of depression often associated with back pain.
* In the body. When a person experiences constant pain, it sets off a domino effect that results in symptoms related to depression. The same Feinberg School study reported that pain often makes it difficult to sleep, which can lead to fatigue and irritability during the day. In addition, a person with back pain may find it hard keep up with everyday movements ultimately resulting in lack of participation in enjoyable activities.

What Can You Do About Back Pain and Depression?
Coping with pain or depression is an on-going battle. Although your doctor can provide medical treatments, there are a few ways to manage your symptoms day to day.

Document it. Keep track of your physical and/or emotional pain in a journal so that, if you need to, you can accurately communicate your symptoms with a doctor.
Be active. Plan activities to help you gain a feeling of contribution. By completing small tasks, you will realize that you can be of help, despite any pain you may be experiencing.
Get support. Joining an online community may help you become conscious of the fact that you are not alone.
Enjoy life. Make a list of the things you know you can do and try to do one of those things each day. In addition, look for new hobbies, games, or people to associate yourself with.