Cheer up a Friend After a Breakup

Monday, June 23, 2008

"I've been dumped." No one wants to hear that from their best friend. Want to know how to make them smile?

Let them get all their anger out. Let them cry and sob. Let them punch pillows.
Be totally on their side and say that it is the other person's loss and they're not worth it, they're better off without that person, they always deserve better, etc.
Do something spontaneous that will make them laugh. For example, make a "get lost in the hall and meet your ex" survival kit. Include things that will make them laugh.
Encourage them to think about the positive aspects of their break up - e.g. - more freedom, the chance to meet a new person for a fresh and exciting relationship, more money to spend on themselves, nobody to answer to.
Tell them that many great works of art have been born out of pain and anguish - especially the kind of pain and anguish delivered upon us by our boyfriends/girlfriends. If they're not creative then suggest that they become creative in order to express the way they feel. Talking is good - and a form of creativity - but it's good to write, sing, paint...if they have any hobbies, passions then suggest they immerse themselves in them for a while. There's nothing better for the healing process than feeling that the blow you've suffered has actually had a positive outcome.
Exercise works wonders. Just think how your ex will feel when he sees your new impressive physique - and maybe even the attractive new boyfriend/girlfriend you have as a result of that physique...but what's even more important is the proven positive effect that exercise has on the body and mind. Take your friend to the gym.
Discourage them from thinking that all women/men are evil or fickle. Not everyone is evil, when just one person hurts you.
Discourage them from feelings of guilt. At some they're bound to start thinking 'I was a bad person,' or 'I'm a bad person - that's why he/she dumped me. Why did I say that? Why did I do that? I'm scum. I should call him/her up and let them know that I've finally come to terms with my own vile nature - maybe if he/she sees that I'm no longer in denial they'll believe I'm willing to change...' This is a bad idea. If they've dumped you - they're probably no longer concerned with whether you can change or not. And besides - they've heard it all before...right? Your friend may feel that they've finally learned their lesson - and that's a positive thing - but tell them they should try and apply what they've learned to a new relationship.
Remind them that they're likely to start putting their ex on a pedestal, focusing only on the good stuff and filtering out the bad. Nobody is perfect, and no relationship is perfect - so helping your friend focus on or remember those imperfections will keep them grounded in reality.
Recommend they connect to the net and begin re-connecting with their friends.
Tell them it's a well known fact that time always heals. The thought that their suffering will naturally come to end one day can speed that process along.
Remind them that the sooner they forget the past and start building a positive future based on today the better.
Give your friend a hug.
Make them laugh. To put a smile back on their faces, you just need to exercise some humour. There are different ways to achieve this, one such method is to show them mo-liu, low-b and lame things like articles on the 'WikiHow' site. (If that fails, we suggest you to vandalise the page for their sake. For immediate effect, bring up topics such as rubber duckies, red tricycles, kites stuck on a tree, or giraffe poo.. Oh, hello Edith!)


* Give the ex the silent treatment and let them know that you think they totally messed up.
* Comfort your friend every time they seem down

* Don't hassle them too much - thinking that the worst thing for them is to be left alone. Ok - if they’re suicidal they need help - but if they’re not then you need to give them a bit of space to help that natural healing process take place. Let them know you're there for them if they need you and give them a call every now and again to see if they want to meet up - but don't go thinking you're going to rescue them from despair with nothing more than that fine personality of yours.

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